Scarlett Takes a Tumblr

I just booked a trip to the Dominican with my good friend who is stunningly gorgeous and quite literally looking to get “her groove” back. It’s actually remarkable to me how WHOOPI I am going to be on this trip. I know the wardrobe department must have dressed Whoopi up in that wide-brimmed hat and glasses in order to spell out for the viewer that SHE FRUMPY (as if the fact that the character is played by WHOOPI GOLDBERG didn’t spell that out enough.) But guys! I NEED that wide-brimmed hat and glasses to shield my alabaster skin from the sun’s harmful rays! Also, my tastes just naturally gravitate toward blousy zebra-print, and my face just naturally gravitates toward surly unimpressedness. This is all to say that I’m totally gonna have a threesome with two gross old guys, just like Whoopi.